Not Quite A Yes Day

Thoughts on a YES day…

Since the beginning of my venture as a stepparent we have joked that im the “mean mom”.  I have more rules and tend to be the one to say NO more often compared to the other parents. I will be the first to admit that I can be to strict. 

I’m really working on saying Yes more and No less. I’m trying to let things slide and not be as bothered or upset with the little stuff. I don’t really know why I am the way that I am.  Maybe it was the way I was raised…maybe its just who I am.  Either way and no matter the reason I struggle with myself.

I want to be a fun carefree mom. I want to worry less and love more. I want to have adventures and do stuff. I want to be the mom they know they can always talk to no matter the content. I want to be the mom they can come to do the fun stuff. 

Today is a start. Every day I restart. Today is Memorial Day, its Monday so no school for this holiday. With that Id like to thank all of our fallen Vets, our current solders, and our living Vets! My Grandfather was a Vietnam Vet and my father-in-law is a Vietnam vet as well! Thank you! I love you more than words!

For the last several weeks I’ve been saying affirmations to myself…out loud, in my head and writing them down.  Yesterday I made a plan with the kids.  That plan was this: We will have waffles for breakfast, watch a movie in our PJs, have lunch, go get ice-cream, (I brought them to the park to eat it and play as a surprise), set up the splash pad at home in the yard and this evening we will BBQ the fish the twins caught on the boat with their grandpa this weekend.

I’m the NO mom.  I rarely have them eat desert after dinner but I like to put special treats in their lunches. They don’t get allowance for doing chores because I feel its part of learning responsibility and self worth but I often find things that I know they will love and surprise them when they get home from school.  The kids don’t have daily screen time but we like to have one movie night a week. 

Its not just important for them, I know its important for me.  I want to know that my kids are HAPPY as well as fed, clothed, healthy and loved.

I want to just be Mom…Not “mean mom” just Mom.

 Love and Prayers,

The Momma of the Black Hearts.

Momma Tips

So I follow a mothers group on FB and I see so many questions.  How to get my child to brush their teeth, what to do about a rash, breast feeding and so many more things.   The answers throw me off sometimes and some of the questions make me wonder if they should even have children. Who am I to judge though?! 

I’m far from a perfect mom. I also have questions and worries. I want my kiddos to grow up happy and healthy. I want them to have good strong foundations to stand on and hold them into their futures.  No one has all of the answers because every child is different. 

So really what I do with my kiddos could be something that would never work with yours. That works both ways. Momming Is hard. It usually leaves me with more questions some days than I have answers. Not only are all three of my kids are very different from one another… Once I think I’m figuring out what that child needs, how they take direction or how their emotion  play into things…BAM! They switch it up.

Some days you just feel as a parent that you just can’t seem to keep up. That life is moving faster than you are.  It is OK! I’m still learning that even if I seem to struggle, they still love me. I still did all that I could do THAT day. I need to remember that even when I struggle I’m still going. Tomorrow is a new day. The next moment is a new moment.

As a blended family we are challenged with the knowledge that not everything at our house is like everything at the other parents. We cannot control what happens there. Thankfully we have pretty good communication with the other parents but it really comes down to “this is our home and that is theirs”.

So on to some of the things I have found that work in our home:

No matter the fact that our routine is exactly the same morning and night…they seem to “forget” parts religiously! Never fails!

Brushing their teeth: When my daughter was little and still learning to brush I would use her gummy vitamins as a “reward” for brushing her teeth. Now its a whole new battle with brushing but I got them a little timer, help them, remind them “top, bottoms, front, back and always your tongue”.

When they seem tired or moody:  Quiet time is helpful.  Reading, a nap, individual play time or something they can do away from their siblings.

Cleaning up after themselves: For the longest time when they were asked to get their messes cleaned up I always found there was a LOT left out. I found that reminding them that anything they got out they would have to put away.  If they were all playing together and made a huge mess I would help clean up (I mostly did this when they were little).  I had to make a rule for the toys that got left out…If you come tell mom that your room is all clean and I go check…Anything left out was a gift to mom.  Once I started getting a hand full of leogs or favorite cars they became more efficient! Toy jail is rather effective as well.  They now dump the entire bucket of legos out on a blanket to make for easier clean up.   

Part of the cleaning thing is that if they are playing one thing then move onto another; they need to clean up the first “game”.  I may seem a little extreme but we don’t have a play room. Our house is not huge. The girls share a room and our son has his own (he shares with our Great Dane).  It goes for playing outside as well as in. If you have toys out all over the yard then before you come in you  have to get them cleaned up.

The kids don’t really have a lot of chores. (I’m to OCD to let them do most things) They do help take care of the chickens when they are home, clean up dog poop, help unload the dishwasher, sweep, clean the table, dust, put away their own laundry…

Now a days kids get more screen time than they did…at our house the kids don’t have tablets, they don’t play video games and they don’t have unlimited access to tv.   We do have movie nights or let them watch an episode or two but that’s pretty much it.  They are on computers a ton at school and do more of that outside our home, so we just choose to let them be creative and use imagination.

Im sure there are other things I do that I can later add to this but for now this is all my brain will allow.

Have an amazing day!

Love,

 The Momma