Working On Me For Us

So this blog was prompeted by a book. This book; it’s called Limitless by Jim Kwik. It talks about retraining your brain and unlocking your potential.  This is something I really need to do. I’ve always been one to tell myself I can’t or won’t.  Negative self-talk has always been something I’ve done. This self-talk may not have been something I consciously decided I was going to do, but it is something that I’ve been doing for a very long time.

I am continually reminding myself to think positive, to turn those negative thoughts into positive ones… If I think a bad or negative thought, I try to change that thought by thinking of three positive ones or repeating the same good/positive thought several times over.

For example, I struggle feeling like I’m wanted or needed sometimes, like the things I do aren’t good enough, like even though I get things done and try to stay busy or productive I just didn’t get enough done, like it wasn’t what I should have done, like I could have or should have done more…

My husband works his ass off so that I can be a stay-at-home-mom. Before I met him, I worked 60-70 hour work weeks, I managed a store, I was independent and took care of my daughter, owned my not so great car, paid all my bills, bought what I wanted… So going from all of that to an instant mom of three kids the same age and staying home without my “own” income was hard. It’s still hard.

I appreciate all that he does to provide for this family! I am so thankful for everything that we have! I have a nice vehicle, he has a nice truck, we have an old truck, we just brought home an old wagon for me (not running yet), nice house, we have a full pantry and fridge, dog, cat, chickens…we have all that we need plus some!

Some days I struggle. I struggle because I miss the husband I live with. He works so much more than he is home. I get lonely and bored so I acquired several random hobbies…This blog, selling Usbourne books, baby sitting goats, cleaning Air BnBs…It feels good to be doing stuff outside the house, to contribute (I really don’t need to because we are very well provided for)…

I want to go places and do things! I want to explore the amazing area we live in. I want to have friends, go to events, take an adventure… I have my health issues and he has his but I’m tired of staying home because if I go do something its not fair to him. I don’t want to made to feel guilty or like I did something wrong for making time to do things out side the house.

In part the reason I’m working is to help put money away… maybe he would feel like he didn’t have to take on one more little job to fill in time/money…I want us to be as important as work, I want us to be a priority. I know he feels that we are and that is why he works so hard. Time can’t be bought or returned. Once it is gone its gone.

I love my husband and my children very much! I have my own struggles and worries that I am fighting with trying to flip into positives. Communication is hard. It’s hard when its lacking, it’s hard when its there. Staying positive around people that aren’t is difficult. Talking to people that are worn out and not really interested in what your saying is defeating. Trying to be the person someone needs when they can’t express what it is that they need is hard.

  I have a very hard time trying to put my wants and needs into words. Two people that can’t or don’t make for a very frustrating and lonely relationship for both.  Expectations aren’t met because they aren’t known. The longer we let the unsaid go unsaid, the worse things get, the sadder I get, the more distant and madder he gets.

I’ve started seeing a counselor, trying to get better more restful sleep by journaling before bed, tracking my sleep patterns, having the same bedtime nightly and using a guided meditation app, stretching, working out more and trying not to eat as shitty…that parts the hardest! All these things that I’m trying are not just for me, they are for us.  If I can be a happier heathier me, we can be a happier heathier US. At least I hope that it will help.

I just want to laugh and play and joke and flirt with my husband. I want to enjoy my family and my life a little more. I want to be his break from the world. I want his brain to turn off of work at least one full weekend a month. Not just one a year.

Here’s to finding the happy inside me so I can better help him find his. So we can be happy together!

Much love,

The Momma

Not Quite A Yes Day

Thoughts on a YES day…

Since the beginning of my venture as a stepparent we have joked that im the “mean mom”.  I have more rules and tend to be the one to say NO more often compared to the other parents. I will be the first to admit that I can be to strict. 

I’m really working on saying Yes more and No less. I’m trying to let things slide and not be as bothered or upset with the little stuff. I don’t really know why I am the way that I am.  Maybe it was the way I was raised…maybe its just who I am.  Either way and no matter the reason I struggle with myself.

I want to be a fun carefree mom. I want to worry less and love more. I want to have adventures and do stuff. I want to be the mom they know they can always talk to no matter the content. I want to be the mom they can come to do the fun stuff. 

Today is a start. Every day I restart. Today is Memorial Day, its Monday so no school for this holiday. With that Id like to thank all of our fallen Vets, our current solders, and our living Vets! My Grandfather was a Vietnam Vet and my father-in-law is a Vietnam vet as well! Thank you! I love you more than words!

For the last several weeks I’ve been saying affirmations to myself…out loud, in my head and writing them down.  Yesterday I made a plan with the kids.  That plan was this: We will have waffles for breakfast, watch a movie in our PJs, have lunch, go get ice-cream, (I brought them to the park to eat it and play as a surprise), set up the splash pad at home in the yard and this evening we will BBQ the fish the twins caught on the boat with their grandpa this weekend.

I’m the NO mom.  I rarely have them eat desert after dinner but I like to put special treats in their lunches. They don’t get allowance for doing chores because I feel its part of learning responsibility and self worth but I often find things that I know they will love and surprise them when they get home from school.  The kids don’t have daily screen time but we like to have one movie night a week. 

Its not just important for them, I know its important for me.  I want to know that my kids are HAPPY as well as fed, clothed, healthy and loved.

I want to just be Mom…Not “mean mom” just Mom.

 Love and Prayers,

The Momma of the Black Hearts.

Momma Tips

So I follow a mothers group on FB and I see so many questions.  How to get my child to brush their teeth, what to do about a rash, breast feeding and so many more things.   The answers throw me off sometimes and some of the questions make me wonder if they should even have children. Who am I to judge though?! 

I’m far from a perfect mom. I also have questions and worries. I want my kiddos to grow up happy and healthy. I want them to have good strong foundations to stand on and hold them into their futures.  No one has all of the answers because every child is different. 

So really what I do with my kiddos could be something that would never work with yours. That works both ways. Momming Is hard. It usually leaves me with more questions some days than I have answers. Not only are all three of my kids are very different from one another… Once I think I’m figuring out what that child needs, how they take direction or how their emotion  play into things…BAM! They switch it up.

Some days you just feel as a parent that you just can’t seem to keep up. That life is moving faster than you are.  It is OK! I’m still learning that even if I seem to struggle, they still love me. I still did all that I could do THAT day. I need to remember that even when I struggle I’m still going. Tomorrow is a new day. The next moment is a new moment.

As a blended family we are challenged with the knowledge that not everything at our house is like everything at the other parents. We cannot control what happens there. Thankfully we have pretty good communication with the other parents but it really comes down to “this is our home and that is theirs”.

So on to some of the things I have found that work in our home:

No matter the fact that our routine is exactly the same morning and night…they seem to “forget” parts religiously! Never fails!

Brushing their teeth: When my daughter was little and still learning to brush I would use her gummy vitamins as a “reward” for brushing her teeth. Now its a whole new battle with brushing but I got them a little timer, help them, remind them “top, bottoms, front, back and always your tongue”.

When they seem tired or moody:  Quiet time is helpful.  Reading, a nap, individual play time or something they can do away from their siblings.

Cleaning up after themselves: For the longest time when they were asked to get their messes cleaned up I always found there was a LOT left out. I found that reminding them that anything they got out they would have to put away.  If they were all playing together and made a huge mess I would help clean up (I mostly did this when they were little).  I had to make a rule for the toys that got left out…If you come tell mom that your room is all clean and I go check…Anything left out was a gift to mom.  Once I started getting a hand full of leogs or favorite cars they became more efficient! Toy jail is rather effective as well.  They now dump the entire bucket of legos out on a blanket to make for easier clean up.   

Part of the cleaning thing is that if they are playing one thing then move onto another; they need to clean up the first “game”.  I may seem a little extreme but we don’t have a play room. Our house is not huge. The girls share a room and our son has his own (he shares with our Great Dane).  It goes for playing outside as well as in. If you have toys out all over the yard then before you come in you  have to get them cleaned up.

The kids don’t really have a lot of chores. (I’m to OCD to let them do most things) They do help take care of the chickens when they are home, clean up dog poop, help unload the dishwasher, sweep, clean the table, dust, put away their own laundry…

Now a days kids get more screen time than they did…at our house the kids don’t have tablets, they don’t play video games and they don’t have unlimited access to tv.   We do have movie nights or let them watch an episode or two but that’s pretty much it.  They are on computers a ton at school and do more of that outside our home, so we just choose to let them be creative and use imagination.

Im sure there are other things I do that I can later add to this but for now this is all my brain will allow.

Have an amazing day!

Love,

 The Momma

Everyone Dreams a Little Different.

I’ve really been wanting to make a dream board. I have a board on Pinterest but it isn’t the same as seeing those things each day in your face.  However, I’m faced with a little bit of an obstacle. My husband. Not really in a bad way but he just doesn’t have the same thoughts and feelings as I do when it comes to setting goals.

I’m a write it down type of person. He’s a “its in my head so it’s the same thing” type of person. I like to be able to look at it, see my progress or lack of and find a solution. He says he’s a realist and I say he’s negative….tomato/tamato! 

We have talked about what most people probably talk about…a little piece of land to build our dream home on.  Welp… this last year has put a real damper on him seeing the possibility of that still happening someday.  Hundreds of people have moved to our area and forced the prices skyward. Him being said “realist” has got a bur up his bum and cant see how that dream could still be in our future.

My thoughts on this are that if we think we can’t then no…we can’t. Oh but if we believe we can then we CAN! Maybe our goals have been pushed from a three year to a five year. Maybe we down size our 3 acre dream to 1.  That makes our goal more reasonable for the time being.  So for now I’ll keep my chin up and my goals alive.

Some of the things I have on my currently non-existent dream board are a bathtub I can fully submerge in, a garden, a small library…all of which can be compact. I’ve always wanted a library! A small reading nook or window seat to sit and read ❤ *Swoon* It’s the little things really.  Like an actual laundry room with a folding area…stainless steel appliances…or even better matte black! I for whatever reason really don’t care for white appliances…just a thing.

There are a lot of things that I have on my list. Traveling is on there for sure. Some of the things I have on there are just fluff stuff really. I don’t need them but I want them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having things on your list that are just icing. Its good to want the little things. Its you telling yourself you are worth those things. YOU deserve them. They can be yours. Hell they are yours, you just have to get to them.

Everyone dreams differently. Cars, homes, land, animals, toys of all sorts….whatever your dream, keep dreaming it. See it in your future. Feel it, know it, love it and embrace it. Speed bumps don’t have to be brick walls! Sometimes life throws a curve into our trail…neato! Now we have a little bit of new scenery. Roll with it. Go with it. Enjoy it and know that the end result will be the same. It will end with you meeting that goal, reaching that star and getting to that dream.

Our story didn’t start out all splendid and lovely. We had the same goals…but the steps to get there have periodically changed. Those changes have resulted in a large move, not knowing if the move was going to set us back financially (we didn’t want to be back in the hole), a whole new business plan (scary), paying off a good chunk of our debts, buying my current car with cash…not all of those things were on the top of our happy list.  Lots of other things have taken us on a curvy ride.

Here we are, still living and dreaming and working as a team to get there. Our dream may take longer than others. Others may get what we have been wishing for before we do. Those others may have rushed their dream and in the mean time cut corners to get there. That may bite them in the proverbial ass later on. On the other hand the obstacles that have set us back may be the things that are actually setting us up to win. 

Struggles suck. They set you back. They piss you off and dwindle that gleam of hope.  Screw those obstacles! Fight for what you know you want and deserve! Ignore others negativity. Kill it with kindness and perseverance! Do you and make that dream a reality.

I cant sit here typing this pretending I’ve met every obstacle with grace… I have cried, fought and screamed.  I wish I wasn’t this human. I have been angry, sad, mad, overwhelmed and down right negative. Though I have acted that way and wanted so very much to give up on so many things that seem trivial now…I have come through on top. I am here. I am happy. I am on my way to my dreams. I am doing this hand in hand with the man I have chose to spend my life with. The man I have chose as a partner. Together we can do anything!

We haven’t been hand in hand on all of this. we stood distant from one another and fought on different sides for the same things. we have come a long way. A very bumpy, pitted, frustrating way. It has been quite the journey. Here we are. We have some how shouted ourselves into understanding better, listening better and in the end fighting better.

We still argue but we do it knowing we need to hear not just listen. That we both likely want the same result. We are in fact two different people and there is an age gap. We slow down and explain. We slow down and see it how they do. Not always but usually. If we can’t then we still try to have some understanding.

At the end of the day we are partners with the same dreams and goals. This is OUR life. We have chose to dream and reach together.

As always, thank you for reading my little tidbit. Love, Prayers and happy thoughts.

Love,

The Momma of those Black Hearts