I Did This To Myself

When all my issues started it was shortly after I became a stay at homme mom. I quit my job about June, got married in September and it all hit in those 3 ish months.

 A body in motion stays in motion…I found out that that is very true. I went from working 60 plus hours a week before moving from one town to the next. I then worked my forty hours plus had not only one kiddo but now three. So I was busy to say the least. Two were in school and one was still home. 

The same year we got married and the last kiddo started school. BAM! Not working, all kiddos out of the house a good chunk of the day…pain caught up to me.  For the last few years its been the same. Ive been staying active enough but still feel just worn out and at the same time lazy.

I started watching an older couples goats and chickens while they are out of town. I also clean a woman’s home once a month. Now….Ive started cleaning Air BnB’s which is a couple times a month for about 4 hours.  Then guess what I did?!  Yup another thing….I became a consultant for Usborne Books and More.  

I don’t have it out for myself! I do have goals for our family that would be nice to meet, I want to be active again and I feel like if I just commit to stuff that keeps me busy I’ll fall back onto the body in motion thing.  Does any of that make sense? I hope so.

I’m really trying. I don’t want to be that mom/wife that’s… well… Me. I want to be happy, active,  more attentive and just be a better me!

Love and Prayers,

The Momma, the cleaner, the goat sitter, the book lover and seller.

Usborne Books & More. Shop (myubam.com)

In case you wanted to check out some amazing books! XOXO

FML

I just typed out a good 8 paragraphs… then my husband popped in and asked me for help with something. I helped, checked the chickens and then made a sandwich. Forgot about my blog momentarily then realized the screen was just white…no draft, no edit screen just white. The website wasn’t even loaded. Why?! What?!

The blog I had started went something like this…

Be nice. It’s not hard or over complicated. It doesn’t require a degree or a certain level of knowledge/education. For shit sakes kids do it, babies do it! we aren’t born jerks we acquire that over the years of bull that taint our perception of life.

Thinking negative thoughts? Push that thought out and think of at least three positive ones. See a good deed that could be done? Do it. Give a compliment. These things aren’t hard we have just trained our brains. We have trained them to look past things, see negativity, think “someone else will do that” and criticism over compliment.

I am not perfect. (Don’t tell my husband or children…they Know otherwise 😉)I get frustrated, annoyed, negative and pissy sometimes. I have been in a funk all weekend. I’m tired, I’m bored, I feel sad and lazy… But (isn’t there always a but?) I am trying. I filled bird feeders, cleaned up the house, took care of my chickens, bathed the dog, brushed the cat, played with my Cricut Maker… I have been really trying to find the happy.

It can be a struggle to do. To find the positive in the negative. Example: I felt good about giving my stinky dog a bath. Then…I dried him off, let him out of the bathroom, cleaned up all the hair (so so much hair) and then exited the bathroom…

For the LOVE! He had shook as dogs do. He split open the cut he had on his ear that I’d forgotten all about. Blood. Everywhere. Large drips all over the carpet, slung and sprayed all over the walls and he had decided to roll on the carpet…he was covered in blood, my house was covered in blood and folks this is no small dog. I have a Great Dane. A 150lb man sized dog.

So I bandaged his ear, crawled around and cleaned the floors and the walls. I was struggling! I wanted to cry. But I made it, I lived and I somehow didn’t scream, yell, battle, beat or even cry. Dog was alive, I wasn’t in a heap crying on the floor and the sun was still shining.

The main idea going into this blog was happy. Find it, share it and encourage it. Hold the door for someone, smile with your eyes (we can’t see actual smiles with masks), compliment someone, pay for a strangers coffee, give a family member an extra hug…

The things that can completely change a persons day aren’t always large acts but the small. In times when life sucks be the thing that turns the shitty day dial down a notch. If you have an extra ounce of encouragement give it. Some days we are the ones that need that. Look for it!

Make eye contact, see the silver lining, be happy that someone else has found something to smile about. Breath in fresh air. Spring is coming! Give yourself that extra 60 seconds to turn your face to the sun. soak it in and smile because you can.

Be nice. We don’t have to run around being rays of sunshine and bubbling over with rainbow happiness. We make the choice to bring people down. Just as we can make the choice to lift people up. Smiles and silence can do wonders!

Not happy? Pissed at the world? That’s ok. We are human and allowed to feel all the feelings. Don’t want to feel that way? That’s your choice. Don’t know how to shake the funk? Me neither somedays. I don’t have to spread my crappy day. I choose to smile with my eyes. I choose to call out “Bless You” to someone a few isles away that sneezed. I choose to let someone ‘cut’ me in line. I choose to let someone into my lane. I choose to think happy.

I don’t have all the answers or even most of them. I am learning everyday how to choose me. How to utilize ‘mind over matter’. Learning how to take time for me. How to be happy with things when I’m mad at others. My children don’t deserve a mother who got upset with something and now is upset with the world.

Our world is all sorts of topsy turvy right now. I am so tired of all that is in the news. So I’m choosing to turn it off. Not because I want to be uninformed but because I have chose Happy. I have chose to look out my windows and see the garden I plan to plant, the birds making their way to the feeders I filled. I am choosing happy for me and for my family.

This blog turned into a muddle of a few things but I hope it can bring someone back from a dark spot. I know I feel a little better having wrote it.

As always…

Thank you,

The Momma of those black hearts